Exercise
790 wordsThe following is a whinge/rant, and not a statement of intent. Please read no such thing into it.
Details are sketchy at the moment, but Steve invited a number of our social circle to his football thing tonight, and apparently the result is a broken wrist for Gavin. My initial reaction was “Poor lad”, followed by “Why on Earth are they playing football tonight: it’s cold, dark, and I’m not feeling very well”.
My third reaction was “There you go, exercise is dangerous.” One good reason to avoid it. Having said that, I do dangerous things rather often. For example, I was yanked off my feet three times by a kite the other weekend. Some of the risks we took in Guatemala could be construed as foolish…
However, as I may have mentioned, I’m not well, and that could well have something to do with my general level of fitness. I suspect I’m more apple-shaped than pear-shaped, and I’m sure my heart and lungs aren’t in as good a condition as they could be.
The other thing that triggered this chain of thought was a thing in the paper a while ago. A man writes to the paper about maybe taking up a little jogging. The reply goes on for a while, then says “A month in, safeguard your joints with cross training, add cycling and swimming, and train at different intensities.” — at which point if I was the correspondent I’d probably say to myself “This is all sounding too involved and complicated now. Sod the whole thing”.
So what are my exercise options? The obvious one is jogging. I gave it a go for a couple of weeks when we lived in Sydenham, and jogging is just terribly dull. You’ve nobody to talk to. If you took someone along, you couldn’t talk anyway because you’d be out of breath, and anyway you’d just irritate each other with differing abilities. I suppose you could spice things up by setting yourself targets, but let’s face it this is the exercise equivalent of the stamp-licking game:
Principle Skinner: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a game of it.
Bart: What kind of game?
Principle Skinner: Well, for example, you could see how many you could lick in an hour, then try to break that record.
Bart: Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me.
Principle Skinner: Yes, well… Get started.
Cycling is just like jogging, only faster and more expensive. For a few weeks, I cycled to work, but it’s a really tedious way of getting to work, you have to shower in a nasty utilitarian room, and it leaves the newspaper unread.
Swimming is drearier than either, since you can’t even vary your route. Gym-based exercises: no. Jogging on a machine is surely just like jogging outdoors, only duller (albeit warmer and sometimes drier). I’d resent the fees, and I don’t like the idea of the audience either.
Please do not mention Salsa dancing.
Squash: I don’t understand how people even begin to move their bats in the right direction. Plus people drop dead of heart attacks playing that game.
Team sports are a no-no. Firstly, however much they say they won’t, team mates get really upset when you let them down by being inept, unfit, or both. I remember this from a bruising “social” game of rounders between work departments, where I had the opportunity for a game-winning catch, but instead got a ball in the gob. I know how they feel: it’s awfully frustating watching a newcomer play (say) Crazy Taxi, or playing against
them at a video game you’ve practiced at.
Secondly, I really hate all that “hail fellow” post-match bonhomie.
Some people really enjoy exercise. I do envy them. I remember overhearing Alistair telling Tom about a cathartic bike ride. “I’d had a shit day at work, but I got on my bike and really went at it, and I was like ‘YES!’”. I know the theory about endorphins, but I can honestly say that I have never experienced this — and do bear in mind that I ran 400m at county level when I was at school. I suspect that just as some people can’t take their drink, and others can tolerate mild electic shocks without flinching (I was astounded to see Claire complete this using only endurance, no skill), I don’t react particularly strongly to endorphins. Desensitised by curry, maybe…
I think, as usual, I want what I can’t have: I want an exercise I can enjoy for its own sake rather than tolerating it for the sake of the long-term benefits. I’d like it not to consume any of my spare time (impossible). I think, like Halo and the IBM Professions scheme, it’s
one of those things I’ll never understand.
There’s always DDR I suppose…